Monday, August 24, 2015

New Blog

So, I feel like this blog is just not working. Almost no views...almost no audience. I'm creating into a void and thats just....depressing.

I might add more updates to this blog here and there if I get any good ideas for a blog post, but mostly I just can't keep working on something that no one cares about. I guess the humor here is just not relateable? Or is funny, but not funny enough to impress? I don't know.

I have created a new blog that will be featuring weekly short comics in a different type of format, for anyone who is still reading this blog and interested:

Escapism and compartmentalization

Growing up was something of a rocky road for me. I was teased a lot in school because I was weird, and every time I came home I wasn't sure if my dad waited for me, or the monster he sometimes became. I quickly came up with coping mechanisms, and the one that worked best for me was escapism. I would spend half my time devouring books, and the other half lost in the vast dreamscape that was my imagination.  I would often envision scenarios in which I would be transported to a magical world where a better life awaited me.

I steadfastly clung to the hope that I had some great destiny awaiting me, and it was only a matter of time before I was whisked away on an amazing adventure in which I would have special powers and would be loved and appreciated for my great acts of chivalry and kindness.Or that I would be taken away to Neverland. Or in lieu of the last option, I would be the only child who would never actually grow up.

Of course I realized later that it was just a form of coping. It makes sense that a child who feels unimportant and completely powerless in life to have such fantasies. It makes sense that a child intensely afraid of death and the darkness that followed adulthood would imagine a scenario of eternal youth.  What didn't make sense is how long my suspension of disbelief allowed me to actually keep believing these things would happen despite the fact that they kept NOT happening.

My curiosity about the world led me to start learning things very quickly, and the more I learned the harder it became to believe my fantasies would one day come true. But not believing them wasn't an option because then I would have to face hard reality. So what ended up happening is that those magical thoughts got compartmentalized away, safe from all the logical thoughts that would destroy them.

As I continued to mature it became increasingly difficult to visit the magical bouncy house kitty utopia equipped with a chocolate cake fountain.My logical side wouldn't let me alone.

But as my life wasn't getting any better I clung to it with an abject stubbornness. The only thing holding up my fragile self esteem at that point was allowing the delusion to continue: that magical happy adventure time forever child future was going to happen. So it goes without saying that when I first got my period I went into "womanhood" kicking and screaming.  I had promised myself that I wouldn't grow up.  Yet here I was growing boobs and bleeding for a week.

My mom couldn't understand why getting my first period was so upsetting. Most girls looked forward to it as something that automatically made them into adult women and one step closer to a life where they could make their own decisions. I saw it as a painful reminder that I would grow old and die just like everyone else. That I wasn't special at all. And my logical side took that opportunity and ran with it.

I didn't want to be an adult. I didn't feel that the benefits outweighed the horrors of adulthood (and I was right, they really don't). Which is actually very odd because I was an outspoken little girl who had very firm opinions on how things should be done and desperately wanted to be able to make her own decisions. My fear of adulthood (and the death that it leads to) was so great that I was basically willing to give up my free will to keep my childhood.

Losing that buffer of imaginative fantasies threw me into a short depression, which I battled with the one weapon in my arsenal I had left: escapism through reading. After reading enough young adult fiction, that magical side of me piped up again, "You know...maybe you NEED to grow up to be ready for your happy fun magical adventure!" and soon I was sneaking into the bouncy room again, only now it was a lot harder to get into because my logical side was a lot more alert and intelligent now that I was a teenager.

But even my logical side had to conceive that perhaps a small lie was better than facing the crippling disappointment that is real adult least for a little longer.  After all I didn't REALLY believe it was true...just a small, hopeful part of me did; and my logical side didn't have the heart to crush my spirits again.

To this day, that small part of me exists; but I think to some extent everyone has a part of them like that. Letting at least a little part of yourself believe that there is something better waiting for you is a great way to keep the soul crushing disappointment of real life and your job from destroying you.  My version is just a little more fantastic than most peoples.

After all, Gandalf took Blibo on an adventure when he was why can't I go on one in my 30s!

Monday, April 27, 2015


Saw this in a bathroom recently:

Warning: do not use kung-fu to attack the baby changing station - it will only fail.
Alternatively: This is not a portal to the matrix.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Netflix insanity

My husband was about to log into Netflix when he noticed this picture on the screen:

Perfectly innocuous family scene of them watching some funny TV show together and laughing at the antics of something or another, right?  Wrong. Take a closer look:

They're not even watching a show yet. They're browsing through the available shows and laughing their crazy butts off. I don't know about you, but when I'm browsing Netflix trying to find a show to watch I'm not laughing like some insane person. Mostly I frown as I dredge through the crap to find the shows I actually want to watch.

So basically, this is a family of people who have completely gone over the edge of insanity by their inability to find a show in a reasonable amount of time to watch together.